I want honest answers. I feel like my world is falling apart?

I started crying myself to sleep a couple of years ago because my sister moved. She was the only one who I told my secrets to. Now she's all the way in California. And I feel alone and depressed. aAnd I'm only 12. I am insecure about myself. I always have a lump in my throat when I hear her name or see her pictures. Now I feel like she doesn't love me. I've thought of suicide and I've cut myself. No one knows. But you guys. Please tell me what to do. I hate my life right now.